I get asked this question a lot. Why? Because when I was in university I had no fucking clue how to get a girlfriend, never mind how to find a girlfriend fast. I was lost, I didn’t have a clue and my life sucked as a result. Short of having a serious disease, what can be worse than being 19 or 20 years old and not being able to find a girlfriend?
As it turns out, over time, I learned a lot of things about dealing with the opposite sex and by the time I hit my 30s plenty of women were hitting on me, so I didn’t have to do anything except pick one, if I wanted to.
Here are 5 stumbling blocks that many dudes have when it comes to dealing with girls.
1. Go out as much as possible and approach as many women as possible.
I can’t believe how many dudes there are out there who complain that they can’t find a girlfriend when all they do is sit at home and mope. It’s a matter of playing the percentages. The more you go out, the more opportunities you’ll have. The more women you approach, the closer you get to your goal of finding a good one who likes you. Many guys who seem to be getting new girlfriends all the time actually don’t have anything else in their arsenal. This is their strategy: They go out almost every day, approach every girl they like and keep going until they’re successful.
Of course, I don’t recommend this strategy by itself. There are many more things you can do.
2. Choose the places you go wisely.
Here you have to think about two separate things. What kind of girl are you looking for, and, what places and/or activities suit you? For example, I didn’t like bars and smoke. So at the beginning I was not successful in places like that. If you don’t like bars and clubs, you could try something else, like dancing. My brother met his wife at a tango class. Dance lessons are a good way to meet people, even if you suck at dancing.
Other great places are meditation classes, tai chi, outdoor activities like hiking, going to a gym regularly and starting conversations with women, or any other interest that you may have.
I would recommend starting with something you’re comfortable with, and after gaining more experience, trying new places.
3. Give value.
This is very important. You can’t expect girls to like you without having something to offer. You have to look at yourself, find your weaknesses, and start making improvements. What is value for a woman? There is no clear definition, but things such as:
Honesty, sincerity, the willingness to be yourself and express yourself freely, giving her good emotions, doing your best to understand her, showing a genuine interest in what she has to say, making decisions (even if sometimes you’re wrong and you make dumb mistakes) and leading her when you go out are very useful guidelines to what real value is.
Don’t sit there and whine – go out and improve yourself. Make changes. Try new things. You can only get better.
4. Walk right through your fear.
The fact is that even guys who pick up women constantly never feel 100% confident when approaching a new girl. It’s built into our biology. So, as males, we have to ignore our negative emotions and go for the girl we want anyways. Think about it. If you don’t go for it, how will you know? How many opportunities have you blown already?
I used to fear being shot down. But after I decided to try progressive desensitization it all disappeared. Hey, after getting shot down 15 to 20 times or more, who the hell cares about number 21? Nobody! It’s that simple. After awhile, finding new girlfriends becomes easy.
5. Get a new skill set.
There are ways to improve our success rates massively by improving our social skills with the opposite sex. Take a look at some of my other articles on this subject to get you on the right track.
Finally, I’d like to tell you to make a plan. Write it down if you have to. Personally, I never get anything done if I don’t seriously devote time, effort and planning into it. You have to make a map to follow.
Konstantin.
