We walk through our lives dressed up in our beliefs. Beliefs about the nature of reality, religious beliefs, morality, and false, supposedly “scientific” beliefs are everywhere around us and in our own minds. Our beliefs are so much a part of us that we don’t even notice them. And yet, a huge number of these beliefs are false and unprovable. As Mark Twain once wrote,
“In religion and politics people’s beliefs and convictions are in almost every case gotten at second-hand, and without examination, from authorities who have not themselves examined the questions at issue but have taken them at second-hand from others.”
The beliefs programmed into us end up running (ruining?) our lives. How many beliefs are installed in our minds by our parents? How many by religion? How many by the school system and society at large? Is this how we want to live?
The reason I bring this up is that in my experience, noticing and releasing my own false beliefs was one of the keys to achieving self-improvement and a higher level of happiness. Our beliefs and generalizations about our environment mould our lives; and our beliefs about ourselves can control us absolutely. We become prisoners of our own minds.
Perhaps the most damaging and insidious beliefs are our beliefs about ourselves: Our IDENTITY. We put together a list of attributes and glue them onto ourselves as labels. “I am a pilot, father, anglican, republican, Scottish-American stamp collector.” Or some other ridiculous list.
Or even worse, “I am not good with women, I don’t understand math, I am lazy, I will never be successful, I’m not good at business, I can’t.” And so on…
By labeling ourselves, we trap ourselves and stagnate.
Identifying ourselves in a negative way is what stops us from growing.
I give an example: My skills with women were not particularly good in my university years. Actually, they sucked, to be more blunt. But I worked on it, learned about relationships, studied evolutionary biology, went out and tried out new things, and eventually found myself doing very well with the opposite sex and feeling comfortable doing it. Without projecting a false persona to “convince” other people to become attracted to me.
If I had defined myself as “not good with women” and had turned that into a belief that stuck with me like a rash, I’d have remained where I was, never achieving any level of skill in dating, relationships or anything else related to dating. Certainly, my chances of finding a true soulmate would have been slim.
Personal growth depends on letting go of your own limiting beliefs and trying out new things until you find a good strategy for self-improvement in any area of your life.
A side benefit of this is that it allows you to come closer to your true, inner self. It is a spiritual journey.
Here is a useful exercise: Take a look at some of the beliefs you hold. Write them down. Then question them. How do you know what you know? Take a look inside and see. Spend a few hours, if you have to.
I started doing this a few years ago when I met someone who challenged me to change myself to improve my life, rather than waiting to win the lottery or waiting for the “ideal” woman to fall into my lap.
Eventually, I realized very clearly that many of the beliefs I held, many of the beliefs I was brought up with, many of the beliefs I carried with me like luggage for years, were 100% false!
That was the beginning of a re-awakening of sorts. Then things really started to get better in my life. In every possible way.
To paraphrase Mark Twain, believing falsehoods is a mental disease.
